Question:
A boy has been engaged with a girl. After the engagement the boy went overseas to study. They plan on marrying after graduation. Is it permissible to write letters to this girl before marriage, while studying ? The letters are mostly filled with advises. If letters are not written, there is a possibility of the engagement breaking. Will it be lawful to write letters for the sake of upholding this engagement?
Answer:
Even after engagement, the girl is an ajnabiyah (strange non mahram) for the boy once the marriage has not taken place. The rulings of a strange woman will apply to her as well. Even if the letters are filled with advises, they will not be free of fitna and pleasure. The fuqaha have written that it is makrooh (reprehensible) for a man to drink the left over drink of a (non mahram) woman and vise versa due to pleasure.
يكره للمراة سؤر الرجل وسؤرها له <در على هامش الرد 5:302
( 1:163أو امرأة ) نعم يكره سؤرها للرجل كعكسه للاستلذاذ واستعمال ريق الغير وهو لا يجوز مجتبى<در على هامش الرد
قوله ( نعم يكره سؤرها الخ ) أي في الشرب لا في الطهارة بحر قال الرملي ويجب تقيده بغير الزوجة والمحارم ا هـ <شامي 1:163
The permission that Shariah has given to see the prospective spouse is against analogy (خلاف القياس) due to the need. It will therefore be restricted withing its boundaries (الضرورة تتقدر بقدرها) . This is why if a person has seen her once then it is haram to look a second time.
وتقييد الاستثناء بما كان لحاجة أنه لو اكتفى بالنظر إليها بمرة حرم الزائد لأنه أبيح للضرورة فيتقيد بها <شامي 5:262
An act that is prohibited in Shariah cannot be allowed based on the fear mentioned in the question. The simplest solution is to perform the nikah even if the consummation is not made. The matter will then be in the boy’s hand and correspondence will also be lawful, rather it would be encouraged.
And Allah knows best.
(Hazrat Aqdas Mufti) Ahmed Khanpuri (May Allah preserve him)
The answer is correct.
(Hazrat Mufti) Abbas Dawud Bismillah (May Allah preserve him)
Mahmoodul Fatawa Vol.4 Pg.754-755
Translator’s note:
The same rule will apply to speaking directly, or over the phone or messaging, whether through a text message or BBM or WhatsApp, or connecting to her on the internet through any social media like Facebook or Twitter or Instagram etc.
