Social etiquettes otherwise called Muaasharaat is a branch of Deen. Social etiquettes encompasses many things, however in this article one is going to be dealt with. The issue of `the rights of guests`.
Shuraih al Khuzai said that the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم said:
من كان يؤمن بالله و اليوم الاخر فاليكرم ضيفه و جاﺋزته يوم و ليلة و ضيافته ثلاثة ايام فما بعد ذالك فهو صدقة و لا يحل له ان يثوي عنده حتى يحرجه
Whosoever believes in Allah and the last day , let him honour his guest. The kind and formal treatment is for one day and night, and hospitality lasts for three days and whatever is given after that is sadaqah. And it is not allowed for the guest to stay with the host and become a nuisance. (Bukhari 246l, Abu Dawood 3752, Ibn Majaa 3675)
HONOURING THE GUEST
Hospitality is such a great etiquette that whosoever would do it, it’s a sign of his perfect Imaan.
Most of the Ulema say that giving the rights to guests and observing the manners thereof are signs of possessing good manners and courteous behaviour. It is also Mustahab. Most Ahadeeth lead us to it. Some authorities say that it is Waajib to entertain a guest for one day at least, after that it is Mustahab. (Mazaahirul Haqq vol 4 pg 102)
But what does hospitality refer to Islamically?
Prophet Ibraheem عليه السلام demonstrated this hospitality as is mentioned in the Quraan. In Surah Dhaariyaat verse 24 Allah says:
هل اتاك حديث ضيف ابراهيم المكرمين
“Has the story of Ibrahim’s عليه السلام honourable guest reached you.”
Under this verse of the Holy Quraan Mufti Muhammad Shafi عليه الرحمة explains in Ma aariful Quraan (vol. 8 pg. 182) that Ibn Katheer says that this verse indicates proper manners for entertaining guests. Holy Prophet Ibraheem عليه السلام, the host, did not mention he would make food for them. He slipped out quietly and brought the food to his guests quickly while they were unaware that it was being prepared for them.
Honouring guests is to receive them warmly and with a good nature. The host must converse with them in good tones. He must feed a guest according to his ability for three days provided that the people of his own house are not put into difficulty.
Honouring the guest is the noble trait of the Ambiyaa. Honouring the guests means that we should provide for the guests better than we provide for ourselves.
THE KIND AND FORMAL TREATMENT IS FOR ONE DAY AND ONE NIGHT
AND HOSPITALITY IS FOR THREE DAYS.
According to Jazari the guest should be served on the first day to the utmost possible and as best as can be. On the second and third day, whatever is easily available without being formal must be presented to him. After that provisions may be given to him to suffice for a day and a night during his journey.
The word ‘Jaaiza’ has this very meaning. Its dictionary meaning is a present, a gift or reward, here however, it is provision for a day`s journey enough to last him till he arrives at his manzil (a stage of his journey).
Whatever is given beyond that is in excess is sadaqa (charity) and kindness. This implies that ‘Jaaiza’ will be after hospitality (but the hadeeth mentions it before hospitality). This Jaaiza will be in excess of hospitality.
It is also possible that ‘Jaaiza’ is nothing beyond being hospitable after three days. The Hadeeth refers by it, perhaps to the extraordinary reception for the guest on the first day. This is what is deduced from the version of Abu Dawood- Jaaiza is the serving of the guest lavishly on the first day.
The guest should not stay more than three days. But if the host requests him to prolong his stay then he may stay. (Mazaahirul Haqq pg.104 vol. 4)
THE ETIQUETTES OF THE HOST
Maulana Ashraf Ali Thanwi says:
- The host should not insist that the guests eat. This is contrary to the well being of the guest.
- If there is a need to serve more food, do not remove the utensil (in which there is still some food) from the presence of the guest. Bring more food in another utensil.
- If the intention is to invite some of the associates of one`s Buzrugh (Sheikh, Ustadh etc.) then do not ask the Buzrugh to bring them along. It is disrespectful to extract service from him. Take permission from him and do the inviting yourself. The associate should also seek permission from the Buzrugh before accepting the invitation.
- Be hospitable to the guest and tend to his need and comfort. Feed him a sumptuous meal (within one`s means) at least on one occasion. The guest has the right of three days.
- When sending food to a guest ensure that it is covered.
- When the guest is departing see him off until the door, this is Sunnah.
- The host should not overwhelm the guest with high continuous presence. He should leave the guest free. The guest should be left to eat as he pleases.
- People sometimes stare at the guest while he is eating, taking note of what and how he is eating. The guest is irked by this behaviour.
- When the guess arrives show him the toilet so that he is not inconvenienced if he suddenly has to answer the call of nature.
- As soon as the guest arrives make arrangements for his eating. Whatever is available and could be prepared quickly should be arranged. If you have the means, more sumptuous meals can be arranged later.
- The host should not merely deliver the food to the guest and leave thereafter. He should remain to see to the further needs of the guest. While keeping a watchful eye on the guests, the host should not stare at the guest and make him aware of his attention. He should merely cast an occasional glance to ascertain whether the guest requires anything more.
- When there are two guest treat them with equality. (Aadabul Muaasharat pg 37-38)
PARADISE IN EXCHANGE FOR HONOURING THE GUEST.
Sayyiduna Abdullah Ibn Abbas narrates that the Nabi صلى الله عليه و سلم said whoever establishes his Salaah, discharges his Zakaah, Fasts in the month of Ramadhan, and honours his guest will enter Jannah. (Targeeb wat Tarheeb vol 3 pg. 252)
On the flip side.
Uqba ibn Aamir narrate that the Prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم said , One who does not honour his guest has no goodness in him. (Targeeb wat Tarheeb vol 3 pg. 253)
May Allah grant us the Tawfeeq to be good hosts and fulfill the rights of the guests, Ameen.
